Vol.12,
No.69, 2009 Manitoba Moments by Susanna Voth Wiebe
This year in Winnipeg we could
unfortunately paraphrase the
poet’s famous statement: “Oh, what is
so rare as a summer day”, meaning, in
our case, rare as in “seldom seen”.
But there did come a row of delectable days. At the end of
one my neighbours sat outside in the caressing breeze,
breathing in sweet scents, and basking in golden evening
prairie light.
Suddenly Jack burst out with a loud “DAMN!”
Shirley jumped. “What in the world’s the matter?”
Jack groaned, “Winter’s coming!”
☼ ☼ ☼
Reporter interviewing a 104-year-old woman: “And
what do you think is the best thing about being 104?”
the reporter asked. She simply replied, “No peer pressure.”
☼ ☼ ☼
The nice thing about being senile is
You can hide your own Easter eggs.
☼ ☼ ☼
I’ve sure gotten old! I’ve had two bypass surgeries, a hip
replacement, new knees, fought prostate cancer and
diabetes. I’m half blind, can’t hear anything quieter than a
jet engine, take 40 different medications that make me
dizzy, winded, and subject to blackouts. Have bouts with
dementia. Have poor circulation; hardly feel my hands and
feet anymore. Can’t remember if I’m 89 or 98. Have lost
all my friends.
But, thank God, I still have my driver’s license.
☼ ☼ ☼
My memory’s not as sharp as it used to be. Also, my
memory’s not as sharp as it used to be.
☼ ☼ ☼
Know how to prevent sagging” Just eat till the wrinkles
fill out.
☼ ☼ ☼
It’s scary when you start making the same noises as your
coffee maker.
☼ ☼ ☼
I feel like my body has gotten totally out of shape, so I got
my doctor’s permission to join a fitness club and start
exercising. I decided to take an aerobics class for seniors. I
bent, twisted, gyrated, jumped up and down, and perspired
for an hour. But, by the time I got my leotards on, the class
was over.
☼ ☼ ☼
Just before the funeral services, the undertaker came up
to the very elderly widow and asked, “How old was your
husband?”
