14, Number 79, June/July 2011 The Befuddled Granny by Irene Linton
It’s the sudden slam of the back door that wakes me. As I thrust my body forward to get up, I do a nose dive over the foot stool. My left arm is restrained and the chair which I had been sitting in seems to be glued to my body. Everything’s a fuzzy haze.
“Mom, Mom, where are you?” my daughter yells.
“I’m downstairs,” I respond.
My son-in-law’s heavy footsteps thunder down the stairs as they come to rescue me.
“How did this happen, Mom?” as Linda sets me upright.
TK doesn’t wait for my response as he bolts upstairs. Linda, however, seems to think it’s hysterically funny. “Were you playing cops and robbers with the boys? Where’s the key to the handcuffs? She pulls at the knots of the bathrobe belts that hold me bound to the chair. “My goodness, these are tight. If I cut them, I’ll ruin our robes.”
TK appears at the top of the stairs. “Mom, where are the boys?”
“They’re in their beds, of course.”
“No they aren’t.”
Linda lets out a mind-bending squeal, “Oh my God, the boys have been kidnapped.”
Without releasing me from my dilemma, TK, my son-in-law, and Linda race through the house calling the boys. Linda dashes back, “I’m calling the police. They’re nowhere in the house. Obviously, you were drugged and tied to the chair.”
Linda quickly dials 911. Hysterical, she rambles into the phone. “Someone has taken my boys and left my mother tied to a chair. I don’t know how they got in because the doors were locked and nothing’s missing but my children.” She pauses, “Thank you. I’ll remain on the phone.”
Relief washes across her face as we hear the sirens. Flashing lights appear in the basement windows as the police car pulls into the driveway. The car door slams and rapid footsteps proceed to the back door.
When TK opens the door, two police officers enter. They hurry down the stairs. A look of amazement creeps across their faces as they see me securely tied to the chair. One of the men approaches. “Can you describe in detail what happened here? Or should I say, what do you remember?”
“I put the boys to bed and then came downstairs to watch the late show. The last thing I remember before I dropped off was the news come on. After that, everything’s a blur. Then I heard TK and Linda coming home.”
“What were the boys playing before you put them to bed?”
“Theo got a pair of handcuffs this afternoon. He was teasing his brother so I put the key and the handcuffs up on that shelf.”
The officer walks to the shelf, retrieves the key, and unlocks me. His eyes fall to the belts. “This looks like something a kid would do when he’s trying to untie them.” Addressing the other officer, “George, they’re hiding. I’d be too if I had tied my grandmother up and left her hung out to dry.”
When George reappears, he motions for us to follow.
There they are, cuddled together behind the furnace sound asleep. George grins, “Case of the befuddled grandmother closed.”
The officers start for the door, “This is definitely one for the books.”!